You want an iPhone for free?

Some might laugh at your audacity. The new iPhones start at $799 and you want one for free!?

It is actually very simple to get a free iPhone you just have to follow these steps:

1) Go to college and get a computer science degree

2) Work for a few years honing your skills until you can get a job at Apple

3) Work your way up the corporate ladder. Be ruthless in your pursuit of promotions but not so ruthless that your colleagues come to hate you

4) Read up on management techniques and attend management training courses

5) Find out what C-level executive is closest to retirement and position yourself to take over their position when they leave.

5b) If no C-level executive is planning on retiring you’ll need to identify which C-level executive is weakest and organize a coup d’etat to take his job (Keep in mind you’ll need to make it look like you have the best interest of the company at heart so your coworkers don’t mutiny on you, but you’ll really know what this is all about – that sweet sweet free iPhone)

6) Become a C-level executive

7) Hopefully by this point you will have gotten relatively close with Tim Cook, and he’ll be able to give you a free iPhone but if he’s being stingy…

8) Find out how close Tim Cook is to retirement

8b) Repeat 5b but with Tim Cook

9) Now you are the CEO of Apple and you should be able to give yourself a free iPhone UNLESS…

10) The board of directors veto your decision to give yourself a free iPhone (Those bastards! They’ve been on to you all along, time to take matters into your own hands.)

11) Plot a third coup to overthrow the board of directors. By now you should be pretty good at organizing coups but this will be the most high stakes coup of all so make sure to cover your bases.

12) Once you’ve overthrown the board of directors, install your shadow board of patsies who will do whatever you ask.

13) Hold a vote to give yourself a FREE NEW IPHONE XS MAX WITH 512 GB OF STORAGE A $1500 VALUE YOURS FOR NO COST

14) Collect your FREE iPHONE

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